Today was a pretty good day, for the most part. I think even just being in the first days of this new website has been good for me. How? Well, because I’m thinking a lot about writing here about my days, I’m more aware of the emotions I’m feeling, the moods I’m experiencing, and the ‘work’ to which I have committed myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I was nowhere near great or perfect today. But I was less of a mess than many days. I still got anxious about the
traffic on my way to work this morning. I still had negative thoughts, and some negative words (gossip), about some people I work with. I felt frustration and depression about an important personal goal/dream that I’ve recently had to put off for a while (indefinitely).
We have a somewhat new dog in our house now, and she’s still a bit of a puppy. So of course, she’s got
lots of energy and not a lot of discipline just yet. Well I don’t mind telling you, it’s a bit of a test for me to deal with her some days. And I’m failing that test more often than I like to admit.
I get frustrated with my wife sometimes. For different reasons, and they all have to do with my various personality or character flaws. So first I’m ticked, then she’s miffed, then I’m angry, then I’m embarrassed or ashamed, then I’m depressed. It’s not a pretty thing at all.
So, you can see I have a lot going on. I have a lot of ‘work’ to do*. I haven’t always been prepared or willing to expend the necessary effort. But I’ve got to. I don’t want to live the rest of my life being tortured by my own mind.
The crazy thing is, the changes can be quite simple, and in some cases they can be put into effect almost instantly. But the resistance is strong. How do I mean this? It’s from the reading/studying I’ve done so far, but that I’ve practiced so little. It goes like this…
In some cases, the change boils down to simply letting go. Yup. I don’t like the sound of it either. Whatever negative thing that may be in you or me, we’ve held onto it for a long time perhaps. And it’s been part of us for a long time, and it’s familiar and safe. So why on earth would we let it go? Because many of these things we hold onto are flat out toxic!
One example in my life. I pretty much live in fear of everything. You wouldn’t necessarily know it if you met me. You might sense it if we spent some time together. And you’d be surprised to hear it if you knew of my career. But it’s true. I’m always living in fear of some negative thing happening. It keeps me from enjoying life as much as I could be.
So what? Well, that fear, when you think things through rationally, or logically, or even just with some common sense, you will quickly realize that letting go of that fear would only take a heartbeat. BUT first you must have done the work. Because you don’t just let go of that fear once. You let go of it over and over and over again. With a million little thoughts or moments every day, I am faced with fear of something negative, and so I have to LET GO over and over and over. And that is where the work comes in.
The good news is that if you can just make the choice once, just ONCE, you will feel good about it. And once you have done the hard work of ‘letting go’ of that fear once, the next time is a little bit easier. And so it goes. The more you do it, the more you are practicing. And the more you practice (at anything) the better you get.
Love to you, love to all.
*Any time I refer to the ‘work’ I have to do, it means the work of learning about living a peaceful simple life, and the practice to put my learnings into effect and get them to stick.*
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