Mockingbird Karma: What's It All About Pippin?

I'm 52 years old. I still can't figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Perhaps that is why I don't feel all that grown up. I've often speculated, privately, that having children is one of those things that makes you feel truly 'grown up'. I'm not sure, as I've never had kids.

I saw the play "Pippin" many years ago in New York City. A place that I loved visiting with my grandparents when we would visit them on Long Island. My take away from the play was the line "What's it all about, Pippin?" Pippin was a young boy who did not know what life was all about. HAH! Even as I write that I realize, nobody really does.

I think we all have to figure out for ourselves what our lives are supposed to be about. What is purpose and all that. I've done some reading and so forth, I've cogitated on it a lot. I think the root might be

Mockingbird Karma: Eatium Tedium - Dealing With Unhealthy Urges At Work

Work, work, work… blah, blah, blah… More candy, more munchies, more tedium eatium! Hahaha. That’s my new phrase… because I eat in a lame attempt to counteract the incredible boredom and tedium I feel in my job. Tedium Eatium! Ta-Da!

Meanwhile, what am I not learning in this moment? Well, I’m not IN the moment, that’s for sure. (Wait, let me get some M&M’s before I continue.) I struggle to find meaning in my life, in the world… All the while, so busy looking, checking my phone, and so on, that I miss the moments I am in. Maybe it’s nice to just sit at my work desk and lose myself in the music while I crunch the boring little numbers on the screen. You know what, that may be the case, but…

I am SCARED TO DEATH to stop looking and wake up 25 years from now as an old crippled man who’s spent his life working these stupid little numbers while his

Mockingbird Karma: Where Do I Start? Examination Of A Dinner Out.

It has been some days now, and I struggle with an un-quiet mind. My dearest and I had dinner out with a neighbor couple last night. We met at a restaurant. There was wine consumed. I didn’t drink that night. This was a first social engagement with this couple. We had spoken casually while passing on the street with our dog. But nothing more than that so far. Now we’ve broken the ice.

Secretly, a small part of me has always wished I was friendly with all my neighbors. Like you see on TV shows and all that. Or like other people I’ve known have been. My wife, in her lifetime before me, has had those kinds of relationships with her neighbors. But the fact is, for me, I’m just not that kind of neighbor.

But I was sociable last night. I made small talk. We talked about them and so on. I hope it was not written on my face, that I

Mockingbird Karma: Doing The Work, So Many Challenges

Today was a pretty good day, for the most part. I think even just being in the first days of this new website has been good for me. How? Well, because I’m thinking a lot about writing here about my days, I’m more aware of the emotions I’m feeling, the moods I’m experiencing, and the ‘work’ to which I have committed myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I was nowhere near great or perfect today. But I was less of a mess than many days. I still got anxious about the

traffic on my way to work this morning. I still had negative thoughts, and some negative words (gossip), about some people I work with. I felt frustration and depression about an important personal goal/dream that I’ve recently had to put off for a while (indefinitely).

We have a somewhat new dog in our house now, and she’s still a bit of a puppy. So of course, she’s got

Mockingbird Karma: Waking Up Happy... Or Not?

I woke up this morning and, like most mornings, I lay in bed for a while in the dark, thinking. As my thoughts drifted around, they ended up at my day job. And I found myself thinking about someone there, and thinking they were a so-and-so. This is not a good thought pattern. Thinking ill of people just doesn’t help anything. Better to think of what they may be like, and to separate that from actions or decisions they make? I think so.

So I corrected myself gently, and turned my thoughts to the many blessings in my life. It worked better to put myself in a grateful mindset. So instead of dwelling on my job, and getting worked up into a negative mental state, I thought about life and blessings and gratitude for a little while.

I don’t always catch myself in time like this. Many mornings I wake up thinking negative thoughts, and they usually run away with me until I am angry or depressed or anxious. This is just another area where I have lots of work to do. At least these days, I have some information in my head that helps me see the difference.

How did you wake up this morning? Did you wake up happy? Do you struggle with negativity in the morning too? What do you do about it?

Love to you, love to all.

Mockingbird Karma: The Beginning Of The Story

This will be, I hope, the last website or blog that I ever start. Why would I say that? Well, it’s like this. I believe that many of the websites I’ve created came from a place of searching for something more than I was or more than I had. Now, today, I am embarking on a journey, or maybe better yet, I am working to initiate a metamorphosis from the person I’ve been, to the person I want to be; a person of peace and simplicity.

Over the past five or so years I’ve been reading about different approaches to attaining peace in life, different pathways to simplicity. I’ve learned a lot, but practiced little. I’m basically not much further along than I was some time ago. Except for one thing: I’ve got some knowledge. And now I need to act on it, with it, to it, for it!