Mockingbird Karma: Life Can Be Challenging

It's true. Life can be challenging sometimes. So very challenging. And sometimes we are able to meet the challenges head on without a pause. Other times, the challenges might get the best of us, temporarily. Sort of a spin on the old saying: "Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you."

Shortly after my last post, my Mother-In-Law entered into Hospice care. (What an amazing organization, Hospice.) It was not totally unforeseen, as she had been battling cancer for some years. And shortly before Christmas she passed away, her family having spent her last days close to her, loving her. I suppose, in some ways, it was as 'rich' a passing as one might hope for, if you can briefly ignore the indignities of a failing body.

I have witnessed a family in loss before, on different occasions, and I have to admit I was scared this time. You can never be quite sure how someone is going to react to the loss of a loved one. I believe, to some degree, it depends on the circumstances of the passing. I've seen the tragic and unexpected loss of a young man, and the anticipated loss of an older family member. While neither would be missed any more or less than the other, there is a difference.

Whatever the case, the passing of a loved one represents our greatest challenge. And that's seems to make sense. Or does it.

It seems that, from what I have read in Buddhist based books and articles, our self-inficted misery is largely based our tendency to cling to things, people, ideas, etc. We hold on for dear life. And then, when we lose control of these things which we hold so dear, misery ensues. What if we learned to appreciate and welcome things into our lives when and while they are there, while learning to let go easily and freely once they are not there?

You can see where I'm going with this. How do you feel about it? Do you hold dear? Are you able to let go freely?

Mockingbird Karma: Is It Possible, Or Okay, To Enjoy Life When You Are Not Happy?

Good morning and hello.

When I was young, I was happy all the time. Nothing could bring me down for long. I'm not sure why I was so happy all the time, but I was. At some point, something changed. It may have been a result of some life-changing stuff that happened. I can't be sure. But at some point, I stopped being so happy all the time.

These days, it seems like I'm never happy. Maybe I used up my 'happy' when I was young? I don't know. But I don't seem to have that constant happy feeling like I used to have. Don't get me wrong, I still have happy moments. I can enjoy joking with family or friends, or laughing at a funny TV show. But when I'm still, in a quiet moment, I am not radiating happiness like I once was.

For a long time I wondered why I can't seem to be happy anymore. Why do I always feel subdued, unhappy, unsettled? Why can't I get my 'happiness mojo' back? And so of course, I felt like something was wrong with me. I mean, if I'm not happy all the time, there must be something wrong with me, right? Or maybe not...

I've been reading about Buddhism for several years now, at least. And sometimes I have a thought, a revelation almost, that I realize comes from all that reading. This one is: There is NOTHING WRONG with simply being, without happiness. One of the main precepts in Buddhism has to do with misery and our confounded attempts to escape it. When we just 'sit' in our misery, instead of escaping it, we get a chance to know it, to explore it. By knowing our unhappiness, we have the opportunity to take away its power. We can accept it and go on with life. Thus taking away the misery associated with the source.

The wandering point here is that we don't have to be happy all the time, and we cause our own suffering by pursuing a false happiness, or trying to escape a false misery. We just, simply ARE.

Mockingbird Karma: Is Your Speech Truly Free?

For every candidate in this presidential election, you can easily find people who will swear that candidate will ruin this country. Sadly, we are doing more damage ourselves, individually, every day.

We do this in many ways like bullying, discriminating, hating, controlling, oppressing and more. I hate to admit, I'm as guilty as anyone in some ways.

We say we have freedom of speech in this country, for example. But the way we treat people who express thoughts or ideas we don't like is nothing short of bullying. How will children know it's bad if they see adults doing it every day?

Tip of the iceberg.

Mockingbird Karma: What's It All About Pippin?

I'm 52 years old. I still can't figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Perhaps that is why I don't feel all that grown up. I've often speculated, privately, that having children is one of those things that makes you feel truly 'grown up'. I'm not sure, as I've never had kids.

I saw the play "Pippin" many years ago in New York City. A place that I loved visiting with my grandparents when we would visit them on Long Island. My take away from the play was the line "What's it all about, Pippin?" Pippin was a young boy who did not know what life was all about. HAH! Even as I write that I realize, nobody really does.

I think we all have to figure out for ourselves what our lives are supposed to be about. What is purpose and all that. I've done some reading and so forth, I've cogitated on it a lot. I think the root might be

Mockingbird Karma: Eatium Tedium - Dealing With Unhealthy Urges At Work

Work, work, work… blah, blah, blah… More candy, more munchies, more tedium eatium! Hahaha. That’s my new phrase… because I eat in a lame attempt to counteract the incredible boredom and tedium I feel in my job. Tedium Eatium! Ta-Da!

Meanwhile, what am I not learning in this moment? Well, I’m not IN the moment, that’s for sure. (Wait, let me get some M&M’s before I continue.) I struggle to find meaning in my life, in the world… All the while, so busy looking, checking my phone, and so on, that I miss the moments I am in. Maybe it’s nice to just sit at my work desk and lose myself in the music while I crunch the boring little numbers on the screen. You know what, that may be the case, but…

I am SCARED TO DEATH to stop looking and wake up 25 years from now as an old crippled man who’s spent his life working these stupid little numbers while his

Mockingbird Karma: Where Do I Start? Examination Of A Dinner Out.

It has been some days now, and I struggle with an un-quiet mind. My dearest and I had dinner out with a neighbor couple last night. We met at a restaurant. There was wine consumed. I didn’t drink that night. This was a first social engagement with this couple. We had spoken casually while passing on the street with our dog. But nothing more than that so far. Now we’ve broken the ice.

Secretly, a small part of me has always wished I was friendly with all my neighbors. Like you see on TV shows and all that. Or like other people I’ve known have been. My wife, in her lifetime before me, has had those kinds of relationships with her neighbors. But the fact is, for me, I’m just not that kind of neighbor.

But I was sociable last night. I made small talk. We talked about them and so on. I hope it was not written on my face, that I

Mockingbird Karma: Doing The Work, So Many Challenges

Today was a pretty good day, for the most part. I think even just being in the first days of this new website has been good for me. How? Well, because I’m thinking a lot about writing here about my days, I’m more aware of the emotions I’m feeling, the moods I’m experiencing, and the ‘work’ to which I have committed myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I was nowhere near great or perfect today. But I was less of a mess than many days. I still got anxious about the

traffic on my way to work this morning. I still had negative thoughts, and some negative words (gossip), about some people I work with. I felt frustration and depression about an important personal goal/dream that I’ve recently had to put off for a while (indefinitely).

We have a somewhat new dog in our house now, and she’s still a bit of a puppy. So of course, she’s got